Monday, August 30, 2010

One Thousand Gifts

I am blessed so very much. Even as I sit here listening to 3 kids screaming because they have to go to bed, I can't help but be thankful that I have kids that can scream. The Lord is so good to me. So very good.

33. Charming's promotion at work. So uplifting to his heart.

34. freshly bathed baby's covered with heavenly lotion

35. the belief of others that i can do amazing things

36. family that cares for and loves my little ones as if they have been here all along

37. baby's first crawl

38. a Bible believing church family

39. fluxx

40. fudge and funnel cakes at the state fair

Visit A Holy Experience daily for uplifting words of encouragement. Or join others in being thankful for the every day things.

holy experience

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Doing it the State's way....

We took Muscles to his weekly counseling this morning. I can't wait until we can choose his counselor ourselves. I appreciate the advice they have to offer, but quite frankly, they have a different agenda than I do. I often feel that I just have to make it through what they expect and one day, we can live our own lives.

When we finally have good ideas, they get shot down. It feels like everyone is saying they want us to succeed, but secretly betting against us. I'm frustrated. Pray that the process ends quickly and adoptions can happen without too much delay.

Monday, August 23, 2010

One Thousand Gifts

25. handsome little boys to wake up with

26. friends that help you through the roughest of times

27. a fellowship of believers that worships on saturday nights

29. blueberry muffins

30. the smell of a new magazine

31. mystery shopping :)

32. early in the morning, when all little ones sleep.... shower time, in peace and quiet.

speaking of shower time in peace and quiet.... i'm out. have a blessed day

Enjoy the thankfulness of others at:

holy experience

Sunday, August 22, 2010

I gonna die cross today.

It's so much fun to watch my kids learn about the Lord. Sometimes it makes me laugh, sometimes it makes me cry, but I always love it. We go to church on Saturday night and again on Sunday morning. It's kinda weird, but we like it. Charming has to work on Sunday mornings, so we go to the Saturday night service so that we can worship together. We have a class that we've grown to love over that last year that meets on Sunday mornings, and I long for that fellowship every week, so I get up on Sunday and take the kids after Charming has gone to work. The kiddos do the same lessons both times, but they still enjoy it.

This morning, as we were making the trek from the parking lot to the church building, Princess cracked me up. Not just me, either. Anyone that was within earshot cracked up as well... and let me tell you, my little Princess has a BOOMING voice, so there were many within earshot. She announced, "Mommy, I die cross today."

"Huh? You what?"

"I gonna die cross today!" she replied, with a huge smile.

"You're going to die on the cross today?"

"Yep, I are."

"Well, Princess, I don't think you have to do that. I'm pretty sure Jesus took care of that a long time ago for you."

"Oh" she replied with a little disappointment in her voice, as if her plans for the day were shot now. "Ok then."

And that was that.


Speaking of learning about the Lord. Muscles brought my heart such joy and hope today. He and Protector got in trouble for peeing outside.... yes, that's right, another peeing story... and they had to come in and go to their room. Muscles quite nearly threw a fit, but I caught him before it got out of control and asked him what the problem was. "I didn't do it, Mommy! I promise!"

"Well, Muscles, stomping through the house and yelling at Daddy probably isn't the best way to tell him you didn't do it. What do you think would be a better option?"

"Saying, 'Daddy, I didn't do it.'"

"I think that would work better, don't you? Why don't you calm down a little and then ask Daddy to come talk to you?"

"You don't understand! I can't calm down! I can't control my anger!"

"Yes you can, Muscles. You are the only one that can control it. I can't do it for you. You have to decide to do it. You are the ONLY one that can."

My wise son replied, "No, I'm not. Jesus can control it."

"Yes, sweetie, Jesus can control it. But he won't unless you let him."

Can you see the glimmer of hope? I can. Oh, and it is a beautiful little glimmer, isn't it? :)

A boy worth fighting for

We had another major blowout this Thursday. Muscles was sent to his room for something silly, at which point he exploded. We ended up with a broken window and a hole in the wall. He also quite nearly dropped the top bunk bed on himself when he was on the bottom kicking the top bed. This was not his worst episode, but probably the worst one that I've had to deal with on my own, as Charming was out visiting with his Daddy.

I'm very frustrated. According to his social worker, we discipline too harshly. I'm not sure exactly what she expects us to do with a 7 year old that bites, hits, screams bloody murder, tears up books, breaks windows, kicks holes in walls, breaks beds, .... you get the point. Don't get me wrong. Muscles is an amazing little boy with a huge heart and I wouldn't trade him for anything.... ANYTHING. But he is difficult.

He usually gets to a point in his fit, where he realizes he's doing something really, really dumb. He tries to backpedal, but knows he's in too deep. It's at this point that he starts putting his walls up around his heart. He thinks that since he's gone too far, we're going to send him to another family to live with. "It doesn't matter, you're going to call Jenn* (social worker) to come and take me away anyway!!" He has reason to feel this way. It has happened before... several times.

After about an hour of his fit, I went outside to take a break. Charming had returned home and began taking the bunk beds apart so that no one would get hurt on them in the midst of the fit. When I came back, I found Muscles crying at the top of his lungs for Mommy. I went back in his room and with a great sigh, asked what he needed. He needed a hug. From Mommy. This is the point I'd been waiting for. Once he gets here, we are good for the night. He sat in my lap and I held him for a few minutes, reminding him that we love him no matter what. He tells me that he is so scared that we will not keep him. I assure him that we will. Then, we go a little deeper...

"Muscles, why do you think we won't keep you?" (knowing the answer already, but wanting him to realize the answer himself)

"Because no one does."

"Why do you think Kim* and Kevin* didn't keep you?"

"I was mean to their kids and got in trouble a lot."

"Why do you think Rebecca* didn't keep you?"

"I didn't obey her very much."

"Why do you think Chris* and Darlene* didn't keep you?"

"I was bad and threw fits when they told me what to do."

"Why do you think your birth parents didn't keep you?"

"They weren't taking good care of me." Ahh, we're getting somewhere with this one...

"Sweetie, you are right about your parents. They weren't taking care of you like a good Mommy and Daddy should. But Chris and Darlene couldn't keep you because they were just too old to handle small kids. They couldn't keep up, and wanted you to have a better life. Rebecca didn't keep you because she had a lot of bad things happen in her life at one time and she couldn't handle the responsibility of taking care of you and Princess. Kim and Kevin didn't keep you because of their own selfishness and immaturity. You were not safe there. NONE of this was your fault."

This is what it always comes down to. He is protecting his heart from more pain. This is a battle that I'm afraid we will have for many years. He has been told too many times that, "We will love you forever" and "One day we will adopt you and you will be one of us." and "Nevermind, goodbye." Why would he believe that we are any different? We have told him, "We will love you forever." We have told him that, "As soon as we're allowed, we will adopt you." Now, he's just waiting for the, "Nevermind. Goodbye."

Pray for my little one's heart. Pray that he will learn to trust us. Pray that we (okay, mostly me) will be more patient with him. Pray that when he's throwing a fit, he doesn't destroy property or injure anyone. But mostly, pray that Jesus gets ahold of him and Muscles surrenders to the Love that is greater than any Mommy and Daddy can give him.

(*names changed)

Monday, August 16, 2010


Our church just announced a week called Momentum in October. It will be an amazing opportunity to invite friends and family who don't normally attend church to come to an exciting event with NO pressure. Over the course of 5 days, there will be 7 events that are going to be SOOOOOOO much fun! I'd love to go to them all. Here's a list, in case you are interested:

October 4 - Bear Grylls from Man vs. Wild
October 6 - Danny Cahill Season 8 winner of The Biggest Loser
PureNRG from Disney Radio
October 7 - Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar of TLC's 19 Kids and Counting
October 8 - SHINE Prom
This week is going to be incredibly fun! Bring a friend and come join the fun!!

One Thousand Gifts

18. The peace after the bedtime fight is over.

19. That one day, when my children are adopted, Charming and I will chose how to discipline instead of someone else telling us how.

20. My Prince Charming and the calm that he brings to my heart when I can't take one more second of the madness.

21. The first day of school.

22. The blessing of a wonderful summer with a houseful of kids.

23. A church that has amazing Bible Studies that I can partake in.

24. A peace that passes all understanding.

holy experience

Saturday, August 14, 2010

One Thousand Gifts

Yeah, this is supposed to be a Monday thing, but let's face it. I'm usually late. I'd rather be thankful late than never thankful :)

9. Massages

10. Chocolate Fondue

11. a 14 year old spending the night and helping with the kiddos in the morning so i can sleep a bit

12. naptime

13. playground at church is fenced in. kids can roam free

14. hats for $1 at walmart

15. pain killers

16. toaster strudel

17. back to school shopping

holy experience

Sicky McSickerson

Saturday, everyone was throwing up.... EVERYONE. It was not pretty, to say the least. On top of that, we were staying at a friend's house. Between the 8 kids and 3 adults, 10 of us were sick. Again, not pretty. We got better, though... at least, most of us did.

Baby Girl stopped throwing up, but started having other problems. By Monday evening, I took her to the ER. We left with multiple diagnoses, and an appointment with the pediatrician in the morning. When all was said and done, we were told she had pinkeye, an upper respiratory infection, an ear infection, and possibly chicken pox. That's a lot for a 7 month old to deal with. She's feeling much better now. Not one hundred percent recovered, but better. Reminded me of some friends from church who are adopting some little beauties from the heart of Africa. The baby girl, 6 months old, is sick and malnourished in the hospital. I know my Baby Girl feels better because her mommy can hold her. Please keep this family in your prayers as they long to hold their little one, but can't for several months.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

The most wonderful day

It was 5 years ago, though it seems like a thousand, though it seems like just yesterday. Jason and I began our crazy adventure together. We've tackled lots of crazy things together. I am so blessed. Thank you, my love.

Monday, August 2, 2010

Rough week

Muscles has been having a lot of trouble controlling his anger. Please be praying for him. We've had several fits this week, each progressively worse than the previous. Saturday night we were up past midnight with him throwing a fit. It was over a 15 minute time out.... that started at 8:00. It was one of the most ridiculous things I've seen in my life. Charming ended up being late for work in the morning, because he was up so late holding Muscles still so that he would stop screaming and throwing things. He will be going to therapy every week for awhile to see what we need to do to improve the situation.

Since Saturday, we've had several more episodes. Some worse than others, but each a reminder that man is sinful, and God is ever-loving, and ever-forgiving.